I didn't sleep that great, we've had to switch sleeping positions where I'm on the outside of the bed because you (Forrest) have been rolling off the edge (into a pile of pillows) but when you wake up in the night (which for the past week you've been doing a lot), you haven't been very happy because you want to nurse on your other side. We got up around 5:50. You're getting a lot of crawling practice in but you get so frustrated so easy, it's easier for you to move backwards than it is to move forwards but you are getting there! You were happy this morning and enjoyed being tickled and you especially love kisses in the crease of your neck. You ended up getting Nixies cold but it seems to be finally on it's way out, you're still very snotty, you haven't been so happy these past few days. Your at this stage where you get angry when you can't reach things, you don't want to just sit, now you want to get to the things you see immediately and when you can't you get so upset. You've been wanting the keyboard as of late so I let you play with it this morning but everytime it turned over you became so frustrated. Another thing you have started to love is having books read to you so I managed to distract you from your frustration by reading to you.
I've been so conscious of the passing of time again, I want to just savour, slow down and cherish this time in our lives. You are growing up so quickly and it feels so bittersweet. I've been getting these lumps in my throat and knots in my stomach when I look at you and your sister sometimes, I worry sometimes that I'm not doing as good of a job as I want and that I will mess up your lives. But I’ve come to realise or at least I believe this is probably a normal worry for all parents at some point so when these feelings come up I also know that they will pass.
Nixie, you came down just before 7:00 and you were so happy to see Forrest, your face instantly turned into the biggest face of joy and you just cuddled him and started playing with him, you really know how to make him laugh.
After breakfast as I tried getting Forrest to sleep in the wrap you wanted to do your nature report for yesterday and document your first really big prawn and your first shenny we caught while crabbing. But while you were drawing your prawn you sidetracked and wrote "jamma" all on your own, you sounded out the words perfectly! It's the first time I've noticed you writing and sounding out a word that isn't one you knew previously. You love writing and doing assignments so I've been trying to incorporate more of that into our days. You finished drawing your pictures and Forrest was still awake and you really wanted to play with him and you really wanted a photo of you and him so I happily agreed. I do love when you request photos!
You did a poo and declared it was “the grossest stinkiest poo you never seen “ and made me smell it. These are the perks of motherhood I would say! A little later while we were in the kitchen & you were sitting very quietly deep in thought when suddenly you said to me, “I miss Majnoon. I want him back. We need to go to the Vet and get small so that we can enter the dark and find him and bring him back.” You still talk about him a lot and it makes me sad that he’s no longer with us.
We were a bit cheeky and had cake (we had baked one of my favourite Swedish cakes a raspberry cream cake the other day) before Forrest woke up because he gets soo angry seeing us eat things he can’t have and it makes me feel guilty. Afterwards we went upstairs and played with your animals and I spent a little time on the computer doing a few things I needed to get done. Once Forrest woke up we all joined you in your room and played with your animals. You Forrest really showed an interest in her toys and looked so content and happy playing with everything. Me and Nixie played predator and prey going through which animals are which.
Your (Nixie) imagination is something I truly admire, you wanted to go to ‘Play Festival’ I asked you what it was and you said it’s a festival “where you play all day forever and never leave. You play fairies and you get to be any animal you want and they have animal face paint there.” You even made yourself a car to drive there out of pillows.
We were both in the mood for some sea air so we headed to the sea for a little picnic. On our way there you’d stop along the way whenever you saw a pretty leaf or flower that we needed for our collection. you searched for crocodiles in the stream just before the path that leads to the seawall and became so sad that there was no water for them. Once on our path you had your first handful of blackberries this year!
We decided to have our picnic in the fields surrounded by rabbit homes instead of our beach and it felt so relaxed and peaceful. Forrest had fallen asleep in the buggy before we got there in the cutest way ever; with his chin resting on the bar that goes across, I always get excited when he falls asleep in it because he rarely ever does and on this day I had forgotten the wrap! But it was a very short nap because as soon as we got to our spot he woke up. You (Forrest) really enjoyed our little spot, always making your way to the edge of the blanket so you can touch and feel the little sticks and grasses and trying to put them into your mouth. You didn’t enjoy watching Nixie eat her sandwich though, you really wanted a taste! And you, Nixie, had so much fun running around trying to catch insects with your net and when you couldn’t you decided to pretend the other half of your sandwich was a rabbit, then a little wren, then a kingfisher and would throw it and run back excitedly once you “caught” it.
Your enjoyment of our amazing little spot disappeared though when you found the carcass of a rabbit. It wasn’t fully decomposed yet and you could still see its fluffy tail and its back legs and part of its spine and it really upset you and made you want to leave right away so we did. This was different from finding the deer bones that we discovered last week which you were happy holding and really fascinated you but because this still had the fur on it, made it different. But it did lead to a discussion about predator and prey animals. And Forrest actually fell asleep again while we collected treasures at our beach.
On our way back I saw what looked like pine marten crossing our path, I’m not sure what it was but it really looked like one and made me really excited and just then a huge flock of little birds flew over our heads which was also very exciting and you ran off after them. It was such a beautiful sight! ! Once on the main road we passed three horse riders and one of them jumped off her horse so you could say hi and it made you so happy, you even tried to do forehead to forehead which didn’t quite work while wearing your helmet.
When we got home we received the good news that daddy was already on his way home and would be home at 17:00, 2 hours earlier than normal! You were really tired for the rest of the day so we took it easy and just begged a bit and played. A few days ago, you lost your favourite doll, Nell and its been such a big mystery around here about what has happened to her, you've told us many different things such as she got dirty and broke into many pieces and you threw her in the bin, that you buried her with the mouse that we buried in the garden, that one of the cats broke her, that she’s in the garden somewhere. The strangest mystery about Nell is that you didn’t get upset about her being gone, instead just saying oh its ok i have another one, when usually not knowing where she is can make you extremely upset, which makes us think you’ve hid her somewhere or something has happened to her that you don’t want to tell us but we cannot find her!! (update: we actually found her the next day hiding in the closet all wrapped up in one of our yoga mats!)
When daddy came home it felt extra nice to all be together so early and so unexpectedly, we played with your animals and played your game of teams and even Forrest joined in. You were getting so excited when he'd choose one and were so happy that he was involved.
While daddy made dinner I had gotten Forrest to sleep and laid him on the couch. At one point he stirred and you came running over and held his hand and kissed him so gently, it looked as though he was about to actually fall asleep again but he didn’t and needed to nurse. But when I went to get myself into position you rushed and got me a pillow and then you just stood next to me, smiled at me and stroked my face, it was so incredibly sweet.
After we had eaten you and I had such a special moment together, I felt our connection somehow grow deeper and became consumed with the most beautiful feelings of love. You wanted to teach me how to draw a cow and it was amazing, you gave such great instructions and you even helped me by doing it with me. You really loved being able to “teeach-ed” (as you say it) me. Then you drew an amazing picture for me and wrote “I love you mummy” on it and you continued with an outpouring of love for me by giving me the best cuddles and singing me love songs.
It was time for bath and daddy was going to give you one but you really wanted me to do it and to put you to bed and since Forrest was asleep I said OK and we had the best time! We played “sunscreen” where you were spreading soap all over my arms and face and wanted me to do the same and it just felt so lovely having this one on one time that we usually don’t get at this time in the day. But after bath Forrest woke up, and you had a panic and started to cry because you thought this meant that I wouldn’t be able to put you to bed, it was the first time you have ever reacted like this and you tried dragging me away from a crying Forrest, it broke my heart! I told you I still was going to put you to bed but that I needed to get Forrest back to sleep first which was a bit hard for you but you and daddy played until I was able to go up with you. t Bed We had the best bedtime ever. I don't remember the last time I did both bath and bed with just you. After we finished our stories and before you fell asleep we chatted about our day and you told me how seeing the dead bunny made you really sad and how you wish you could have saved her and then we just snuggled and you were asleep by 20:45! It’s rare these days that you are asleep before 21:00. When I went back downstairs I walked in on such a peaceful scene of daddy cuddling a sleeping Forrest on the couch and my heart felt so happy.