It was one of those days that started a bit tough and where I felt a bit heavy-hearted but by the end of the day a huge shift had taken place I felt entirely different . It's amazing how things can change so quickly!
We had a very relaxing morning, you and daddy got up just before me at around 7:00 & Soon after we all had our breakfasts and afterwards I decided to have a bath and a meditation. You weren't too happy about this as you really wanted to join me, I tried compromising with you by promising I would have a bath with you in the evening but it wasn't what you wanted to hear and for the first 10 minutes or so you were screaming and trying to break down the door, I did feel bad but I really needed this time to meditate as it's an important part of my birth preparation, but luckily eventually you stopped and you and daddy had fun playing with your train-set.
Things haven't been the easiest the last couple of days, I had really hoped today would be much better but unfortunately things have still felt super difficult and draining. I've been feeling really down and sad, you and I have been jarring, you've decided you don't want to use your ears. I've shouted more than Ive liked to and it just breaks my heart and makes me feel like an awful person, that I'm not cut out for this motherhood thing. I haven't been sleeping which hasn't made things better but I did sleep a bit better last night and thought that would make all the difference but it hasn't. You have been in such a testing mode, refusing to listen to anything we say, getting so angry over little things, it has just felt so exhausting!
Annoyingly most of our morning was spent calibrating one of my lenses, which also meant I didn't have a camera to use for this project but you had us both laughing when you begged to have your photo taken and you posed yourself in the way I do with my bump, with a bent knee and everything!! !! It was hilarious! (I took a photo with my phone which I just had to include here)
Your little brothers new car-seat had arrived and after lunch on our way out he put it into our car and wow I realised that we need a bigger car! We decided to head out to Beaulieau for a little wander and I'm so happy we did because it changed absolutely everything; you brought me back to love. I love the way you are so open to others, running up and giving everyone we passed by a big hug, me and daddy said we should start doing it with you just to see what would happen! I'm not so sure people would be so impressed, you're able to get away with it because you're really adorable and you really are a little love spreader! I love seeing the smiles on people's faces when they come into contact with you & at one point you got a hold of a woman's hand, had her friend hold her hand then you had daddy's and I had his and we all walked hand in hand together, it was such a sweet moment between strangers!
Before heading home, we needed to go to the shops for ingredients and you took it upon yourself to help other people with their shopping, you always have a way of making me laugh!! We came home had dinner and then we all did bath and bed together. Since I promised you this morning that we'd have a bath together we did and it was the best, we ended up having the best giggle fits, proper belly laughs together, it was amazing and bedtime felt full of extra love, the three of us all cuddled up. Everything ended up a bit later than usual tonight but it ended on such a high and now I feel so incredibly different, I feel happy and so full and excited and grateful for this crazy up and down journey that is motherhood.