Today was hard.  It was a very unusual day and definitely not one of our better days (all our plans went out the window and instead everyone mostly slept) We had one of the worst nights, I did not get any sleep whatsoever, other than maybe 5-10 minutes here and there.  For some reason you decided not to go to bed and stayed up all night long! It was completely out of character for you and the first time anything like this has happened.

You had fallen asleep just after 19:00 last night but woke up at 22:30 and came downstairs and cuddled me (both me and daddy had fallen asleep on the couch ) usually if you wake up we rush upstairs and take you back to bed and you're usually asleep within seconds but that didn't happen this time. I went upstairs to get situated into bed with Forrest and you came up with daddy a couple minutes later after he took you to the bathroom.  You really wanted to nurse but I wasn't in the mood to tandem feed & wanted to nurse Forrest first because it's easier and more comfortable & I thought we could have a better cuddle afterwards & you waited so patiently. Usually nursing would make you fall asleep you were so tired but this time it didn't, in hindsight I should have just tandem nursed you both,  because by making you wait it just woke you up.  

You were up all night & you were being extremely challenging: trying to wake us up by shouting,  kicking and hitting us although never directed at Forrest. You were getting so angry at us because we didn't want to get up with you. We told you that you didn't need to come back to bed that you could go play in your room but that you needed to let us sleep. Eventually you went into your room and played. You were full of giddy energy and I could hear you giggling,  laughing & singing at the top of your lungs. You had completely immersed yourself into one of your make believe worlds. But it seemed like just at the moment when I'd fallen asleep you'd come back in and start getting angry at us all over again and the jumping on the bed,  kicking and hitting would start all over again.  It was incredibly draining and I was getting more and more irritated with you which only made it worse.  You've never done anything like this before! Im pretty sure it has to do with our new dynamic, with Forrest's arrival,  even though you show no jealousy towards him and have really been the best big sister only giving him pure love,  it is such a huge change and must be a lot to take in for you!  I haven't been able to give you the same kind of attention you're used to and that must hurt a little. You've been having such big feelings and have been extra sensitive the last few days and I think this is maybe one of the ways it's manifesting itself. 

 When the clock rolled to around 5AM I was going to get up and go downstairs but daddy refused to let me and got up instead saying I needed to try to sleep because he's not the one nursing on demand.  I didn't really get a chance to sleep though because Forrest was awake and needed to nurse again anyways.

I finally came down with Forrest around 7AM, daddy was cleaning the kitchen, you were playing with your hot wheels. Shortly after daddy went back to bed to try to get some sleep before work, luckily he's working from home this week. The first thing you asked me as soon as you heard me awake was "can I have some boobie?" I just couldn't believe you had been awake all night and were still full of energy,  you had put on your fairy wings and we're jumping on and off the couch pretending you could fly over and over again. 

We spent the first part of the morning cuddling Forrest, when he needed to be nursed you began nursing your doll,  I love how you've become such a great little caretaker and whenever Forrest needs to be changed and washed you love helping, you are so gentle with him although at times a bit smothering,  you just can't stop loving on him.  Around 8:45 I went in to see daddy with Forrest as it was time for him to wake up,  I'm glad he was able to sleep at least for a little bit.

Just before he began work you begged to be able to do some typing on the computer.  You love to spell out LOVE and the numbers 1-10, I'm super impressed because you know the enter key and the delete key,  you love practising writing at the moment. You've also been enjoying spelling words out on paper by having a word you want to spell and us telling you each letter. 

Around 10:30 you finally crashed and fell asleep in my arms while nursing. I had just finished nursing Forrest and he was asleep too. I carried you upstairs and put you into bed.  I really wanted and needed to nap with you two but I needed to wait for the health visitor to show up so she could have a look at Forrest's jaundice. But I did take advantage of this rare time for myself and relaxed on the couch and put a movie on (captain fantastic),  I was too braindead to do anything else.

The health visitor came and it was so hard waking you (Forrest) up.  She really needed to check your eyes but you refused to wake up!  After about 20 min or so we managed to wake you enough for her to see your eyes and she was super happy with the colour of them. You really are such an easy going baby (well at the moment you are mostly asleep) and there are no words to express how happy we are that you are here with us.  You are two weeks and a day old today and already you have changed so much, you are becoming more and more wide eyed and you love cuddling me on my chest. I so look forward to getting to discover who you are. You are a lot different from when Nixie was your age; you are completely content being laid down in your bed or lounger whereas with your sister we couldn't put her down at all.  It wasn't until she was 10 months old that I was able to lay her down next to me if she was asleep! But I didn't mind at the time,  it was our normal and I loved the cuddles. 

You (Nixie) woke up at 12:30 in such a bad state  & came running down the stairs crying uncontrollably,  it's incredible the big emotions that can surge through your little body! I hate seeing you so sad! You, me and Forrest made our way back upstairs and into bed straight away. This time I started nursing you first but then Forrest got really upset and I had to nurse him instead which you found a bit difficult because you were still in your sad almost asleep state,  you really wanted to tandem nurse but I didn't want to. Luckily it didn't take long for Forest to fall asleep and then it was your turn & you were asleep within minutes. And then it was my turn, I actually managed about an hours nap with you guys on either side of me. And it was a deep blissful nap too. 

When I woke up I decided to head to the shop on my own since both of you were still asleep. I left Forrest with daddy in the office and off I went and it felt so surreal going somewhere on my own! You woke up at 16:45 just in time to help with dinner and then once we had all eaten it was time for your bath and story time. Today was one of those days where I was so happy for it to be over.

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