You,  Forrest started stirring around 4:30 but we managed to stay in bed until 5:30 just in time to get a quick sight of your daddy as he rushed off to work. Today's a very special day, it’s  summer solstice and the day you turned 5 months!  You are so cute in the mornings, so chatty and smiley,  you've really started to notice my camera and when you see it you just want to eat it.  You also started reaching your arms out to me when you want to be picked up and it just melts my heart,  you are growing up so quickly.  About an hour after you woke up, like clock-work you were ready for a nap so in the wrap you went. 

You, Nixie, came downstairs just after 7:30, I couldn't believe it,  you had a lie in! Straight away you gave me a big cuddle a little annoyed I couldn't hold you because Forrest was in the wrap but luckily you let it go and immediately went into your game of imagining little kittens and dogs giving them to me to hold. You have also started doing this thing where you add "rainbow" to a word and it's become an ongoing game. Everything has become rainbowed!  

We got dressed and walked to strawberry farm &  you had to bring your little baby, Nell.  You were worried that you were going to see the dead mole again but luckily it was gone but instead we saw a dead baby bird which made you really sad.  We had lots of fun at the farm picking strawberries and cherries although you weren't as interested in helping me pick strawberries as you usually are because you made friends with some kids and had so much fun running around with them.  When it was time to leave you has the biggest meltdown to date.  You flat out refused to leave. We already stayed for an hour and a half longer than I planned but what really brought you over the edge was me not letting you have an ice lolly when some other kids had them. It was the first time you had a meltdown because I wouldn’t get you something, It was pretty epic I must say, you were so angry and even tried to rip your clothes off! Somehow I did manage to get you to leave but only because you ran towards the back where they were selling the ice cream and from there I managed to leave by going the back way, you cried for a good 20 minutes, you were so upset about having to leave, but I do think it was partially due to you being tired from the walk and it was very hot out. 

When we did get home all of us needed a bit of down time to regain our energy, and clear our heads. We needed to go to waitrose for some ingredients for our cake and to get some marshmallows and chocolate biscuits for our fire in the evening & you had another giant upset because I refused to let you wear my heels to the shop and once in waitrose you had another big upset all because I wouldn’t let you get a certain cookie with a heart shape in the middle, I don’t know what was going on with you today but it was a day of meltdowns! 

But when we returned home you & Forrest completely melted me. The two of you were cuddling on the couch and you wanted read him your magazine about pets and the way he looked at you when he was sitting with you was the sweetest thing I ever did see, his eyes were filled with adoration, love and awe for you and in that moment I had a flash into the future and could see how close the two of you will be. You couldn’t stop telling him you loved him. 

As it’s midsummer I was super excited to make one of my favorite swedish cakes, a strawberry cream cake (i made the cake yesterday so we didn’t have to do that today and that was a stroke of genius because it ended up being super stressful just decorating and finishing the cake!) Forrest was pretty hysterical the whole entire time, nothing was making him happy, after the second try of getting him into the wrap he finally did fall asleep and you and I could relax a little. We both get a bit stressed sometimes when he’s really upset and you were doing everything I had asked you not to do and I became a bit reactive (this is my least favourite side to myself when it shows itself!) 

After the stress of the cake we had a bit of down time just cuddling and hanging out playing with imaginary puppies and kittens and you also wanted to learn more words. You are always insisting I draw saying I'm an artist and an expert even though I cannot draw to save my life, you are incredibly kind to me!! You have way more artistic abilities than I have and you’re only 4!

Forrest fell asleep in the wrap while I was getting dinner done and I managed to transfer him to the couch. After we had eaten we went out to collect flowers for our flower crowns. Forrest woke up and we all hung out in the garden and made our crowns.  Daddy came home a bit earlier at 19:30 and immediately started getting our fire ready and this was the highlight of our day, you were so excited about it and it was Forrest’s first time seeing a fire and he loved it too, his little face had the greatest little expression full of wonder just staring into the flames. 

Even though our day ended up being a bit of dramatic one, the end of the longest day of the year couldn’t have been more perfect. We had cake,  roasted marshmallows,  we even spent time writing down things we want to let go of and then putting them into the fire; some of these things were: letting go of insecurities, anger, complacency and being reactive towards each other and then we also talked about our hopes and dreams and wrote down wishes to send out into the universe but you didn't want to let go of my wishes and ran off with my pieces of paper and hid them inside, you couldn’t quite understand the difference of letting go of negative things into the fire and then putting our wishes into the fire. You are a bit too young to understand the concept of intention! It was just such a perfect evening, Forrest fell asleep in my lap and the rest of us stayed up way after the sun had gone down watching and listening to the birds flying overhead. I went to bed feeling so happy and blissful. My heart felt full.